The Ex

The Canadian National Exhibition is an annual fair that attracts around 1.3 million visitors every year. This 131 year old fair is considered as one of the largest in Canada and the fourth largest in North America. At CNE, you can find dog shows, air shows, performances, rides assembled by crazy carnies, child labor, games that win you ugly toys, parades, deep fried everything, marketplaces and much more.

This year the fair boasts about its special guest speaker, the former 42nd President of the United States, Bill Clinton. He will be holding an open forum at the BMO field to talk about Embracing Our Common Humanity. To be frank, I know in the past CNE has been able to book lame pseudo popular musicians such as Sean Kingston or Ray J, but I’m shocked they were able to get Bill Clinton. If Bill Clinton were to speak in Toronto I always imagined it would be at Rogers Center (the Dalai Lama spoke there in 2007) or at the Toronto Metro Convention Centre (earlier this year in May).

CNE was packed. All the cheapskates rejoiced (including myself) over the $1.75 admission fee on Friday.

“The original taco in a chip bag." Yeah, original and stupid. This is such a gimmick. There are some advantages though, chip bags are sturdier and chip residues may make the taco more flavorful.

Corn dog. $4. I know the looks of this long deep fried wiener coated with corn batter doesn’t entice people to put the whole thing in their mouth, but I assure you it tastes delicious

H. Salt’s Fish & Chips. $5.99. Fried Haddock with chips. I think I shaved off a few days of my life by eating this artery clogging fried yumminess. The good sized portion of fish was coated with a crispy and flaky batter. The only complaints are that the fries were slightly soggy and they didn’t have tartar sauce.

Cartman doll. If there was an award for “the biggest douche on TV”, Cartman would win hands down. He’s vindictive, shameless, and racist, but who doesn’t love that awesome-o fatass!?

There’s something ominous about this attraction. I can’t quite pinpoint what it is.

Ribs. I wanted to try this.

I will not, I repeat WILL NOT ever go on these CNE rides because you know what I value? My life! Every year, there are reports of numerous injuries at CNE. I saw a big cloud of smoke coming from a ride, that can’t possibly be a good sign. These rides are probably assembled and disassembled by creepy carnies with missing teeth and sinister expressions that give any onlookers the heebie jeebies.

See example below.

Call me a wuss if you want, but just looking at that picture makes me feel uneasy. I feel like I'm being eye-raped.